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by Tré Taylor
Milan -
Because it sounds like
Islam.
Vatican City - Why declare war on
just one religion?
Russia - Because the cold war is
unfinished business too.
Middle Earth - Middle East, Middle
Earth - what's the difference?
Mexico - Tacos have been proven to
explode in people's stomachs, and therefore they are considered to be
massive destruction weapons.
Turkey - Why have both a country
and an animal with the same name?
China - There are just too many Chinese,
Bush can wipe out millions of them and they wouldn't even be missed. It
would be like a sport for him.
Venezuela - Any dictator is always a good target! Moreover, they
have even more oil to steal!
Tasmania - I know its only a state but why not...they're just
strange people! The Mythical City of Atlantis -
Osama
bin Laden could be hiding there.
Luxembourg - A country with a name
this long has to be hiding something.
France - They didn't want to be
part of the Coalition of the Willing. Osama
bin Laden could be hiding there.
British Indian Ocean Territory -
First
three initials form 'BIO'
which obviously means they are manufacturing biological weaponry.
Northern Ireland -
Because the
first three letters of Iran and Iraq are IRA.
Hogwarts School of Wizardry and
Witchcraft - - That Harry Potter kid looks like he could be a real
threat when he gets older.
Hong Kong - For biological
terrorism in the form of SARS.
Antarctica - Because it'll make a change from a bloody hot desert.
Nauru - Because it poses an
unspecified threat to US security largely because George W Bush doesn't know where it is, or what's there.
7-11 - Osama bin Laden could be
hiding in any of them.
Japan - Sony are planning to make
little Saddam Furbies.
Monaco - It's small (only 2 sq km) and would make a great
'weekender'.
Canada - Listen folks, We are eventually going to run out of places
to conquer so we might as well take these guys by surprise...We will
sneak attack while the entire country is at a hockey game.
Bassas da India - A French colony with 'ass' in their name. Dubbya
knows something is up here that must be stopped.
Dominican Republic - George W. Bush went to primary school with a
boy called Dom who wasn't very nice.
South Sandwich Islands - Mmm ... sandwiches.
China - Because they FUND North Korea's military budget. (Oh, wait
that's not funny, they really do).
Australia - They didn't seem to have any casualties in this war;
they must've been helping Sadam.
Wales - Because, like the Iraqi country folk, they commune with
sheep AND spit when they talk. Therefore they must be terrorists.
Besides, they fight the Blairist wing of the USA by trying to retain a
national identity (also Osama could be there staying with his aunt
Gwyneth Byn Laden, in Llandudno).
New Zealand - Because they hide their intent to overrun other
countries (ie Australia) by winging about how good it is at home! Who
cares if Osama Bin Laden is hiding there. Nuke 'em!
Mars - It's hot, it's sandy. The sand is red, maybe because of the
blood shed by all the oppressed people who live there.
England - Because, in the words of George W. Bush, "Them
peoples can't keep teasing on me for my englishizing, if I destroy the
place where English gets talked the mostest."
The Moon - Because we must destroy their cheese stash. It could be
used to manufacture biological weapons. Who's to say Osama Bin Laden is
not hiding there. It's a threat to us all!
Libya - They don't seem to be doing anything! Bomb them just in
case.
Michael Jackson's Neverland - He's always invading things, obscenely
high priced stores, supermarkets, our ears, kiddies. This monster has to
be stopped. Also he does seem to look like a BIO experiment gone wrong.
Costa Rica - Jurassic Park is there. They're breading a whole army
of dinosaurs!
Jupiter - They must be there. The planet's full of Toxic Gasses. Bio
weapons, for sure, mm hmm.
A Dixie Chicks Concert - They are the axis of Evil.
Japan - Because subliminal terrorist messages are hidden in karaoke
tunes.
France - Just for the heck of it! Besides they might miss and
"accidentally" hit Germany.
Papua New Guinea - Have they actually ever been in a war? Nope,
didn't think so. Too quiet for my likes, AND Osama could be vacationing
there.
Liberia -
It sounds a bit like lysteria, it reads a bit like liberation, plus it might have weapons of bus construction.
Alabama -
It's not a country, but Osama Bin Laden could be hiding there. If he's not, at least we'll be doing our part to clean up the
gene pool. Who'd miss it?
The Netherworld -
Once we know Bin Laden is dead, why not do it again, just for the fun of it?
The Whales -
They're big enough to conceal any number of terrorists.
Mexico -
Their food is a form a terrorism.
The Pretzel Companies -
The World NEED to be Bush-whacked for the safety of everyone. When someone eats a pretzel they have a one in four
chance of choking. Just look at what they did to Dubbya a while ago.
Osama Bin Laden and Saddam Hussein have paid the pretzel companies to produce
these weapons of mass destruction to millions of people the world over.
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