Acura Vigor   I wanted a Legend, but couldn't afford one

Audi 90   I enjoy extinguishing engine fires

BMW 318i   I love my father, whose girlfriend is my age

BMW M3   I am practical with a huge debt

Buick Grand National   I buy four new tires a week

Buick Park Avenue   I am older than 34 of the 50 states

Cadillac Fleetwood   I'm driving myself to the cemetery

Cadillac Eldorado   I'm the saleswoman of the month for Mary Kay cosmetics

Cadillac Seville    I'm a hairy-chested pimp with a fat gold chain

Chevrolet Camaro   I enjoy beating people up to compensate for my inadequacies

Chevrolet Chevette   I love to see peoples' reactions when I tell them I drive a 'Vette

Chevrolet Corvette   I'm going through a mid-life crisis

Chevrolet El Camino   I'm leading a militia to overthrow our overbearing government

Chrysler Cordoba    I dig the rich Corinthian leather

Chevrolet Lumina   Well, it was time for a new lease and the Dodge Stratus just wasn't for me

Datsun 280Z   I've got a kilo of cocaine in my wheel well

Dodge Dart   I teach 3rd grade special education and I voted for Eisenhower

Dodge Daytona  I delivered pizzas for 4 years to pay for this car

Dodge Stealth   I like this body style, but couldn't afford it as a Mistubishi 3000GT

Dodge Stratus   Well, it was time for a new lease and the Chevy Lumina just wasn't for me

Ford Bronco   I purchased this car during the Simpson trial, with the expectation that it
would appreciate in value when he was found guilty                     

Ford Crown Victoria    I get a kick out of pulling up right behind people and watching them slow down to below the speed limit and sweat bullets until I turn off

Ford Explorer   I'm a yuppie whose meaning of off-roading is setting down my cell phone to negotiate a construction cone

Ford Expedition   As a red-blooded American, I feel obligated to consume as much fossil fuel  as is humanly possible during my relatively brief and insignificant lifespan on this planet

Ford Excursion   I was going to buy a Ford Expedition, but it's double-digit gas mileage just wasn't for me

Ford Fairmont    (See Dodge Dart)

Ford Mustang   I love to peel out while my teenage buddies cackle like idiots in the back seat

Ford Probe   I can't afford a real sports car

Ford Windstar   I have four children, all of whom play soccer

Geo Storm   I will start the 11th grade in the fall

Geo Tracker   I will start the 12th grade in the fall

Honda Accord   I lack any originality and am basically a lemming

Honda Civic   Gosh, with some stiff, low suspension, alloy wheels and a big chrome exhaust pipe, I've got a few people convinced this car is actually FAST

Honda Del Sol   I have always said that half a convertible is better than no convertible at all

Honda Element    I'm trying to cling to the fond memories of my childhood when I used to "drive" a cardboard refrigerator box

Hyundai Accent   I wanted a new car, but only had enough money for a used car

Infiniti G20   I'm pretending to be rich

Infiniti Q45   I am a physician with 17 malpractice suits pending

Isuzu Impulse   I do not give a rip about J.D. Power or his reports

Jaguar XJ6   I am so rich I will pay 60K for a car that is in the shop 280 days per year

Kia Sephia   I learned nothing from the failure of the Diahatsu Corporation

Lincoln Town Car   I live for Bingo and covered dish suppers

Mazda 323   I only drive to get somewhere

Mazda 626   I only drive to get somewhere, but decided I wanted to spoil myself

Mercury Grand Marquis   My blue-haired wife insists I drive this speed, lest my
<insert malady here>  become aggravated

Mercedes 500SL   I will beat you up if you ask me for an autograph

Mazda Miata   I do not fear being decapitated by an 18-wheeler

MGB   I am dating a mechanic

Mitsubishi 3000GT   I'm a rich pasty white guy who wears wrap-around sunglasses

Mitsubishi Diamante   I don't know what it means either

Mitsubishi Eclipse   I bought it because car with a spoiler this size has got to be the end-all, be-all of contemporary sports cars

Nissan 300ZX   I have yet to complete my divorce proceedings

Nissan Maxima   This car looked really stupid until I tinted the windows, installed fake
chrome hubcaps, and put a couple of crown air fresheners in the rear window

Oldmobile Cutlass   I just stole this car and I'm going to make a fortune off the parts

Peugeot 505 Diesel   I am on the EPA's "Ten Most Wanted" List

Plymouth Neon   I'm incessantly bubbly and enjoy doing the macarena

Pontiac Fiero    I wanted to challenge my patience and mechanical ability by purchasing a car that needs its engine dropped to change the spark plugs

Pontiac Trans Am   I have a switchblade in my sock

Porsche 944   I am dating big-haired women that otherwise would be inaccessible to me

Rolls Royce Silver Shadow   With all of this grandeur, Grey Poupon is a must

Saturn SL   I was in the market for a cheap plastic car outfitted with an anemic powertrain whose engine tolerances are larger than the Grand Canyon

Saturn SC    I wanted to own a plastic car, and a Saturn SL was out of my price range

Subaru Legacy   I have always wanted a Japanese car even more than common sense

Toyota Camry   I am still in the closet

Volkswagen Beetle   I still watch Partridge Family reruns

Volkswagen Cabriolet   I am out of the closet

Volkswagen Golf   I'm an opinionated college kid who basically bought this car to use as a billboard for all of my wacky bumper stickers

Volkswagen Jetta   I'm a single blonde in my twenties (of course the sunglasses are designer!)

Volkswagen Microbus   My most cherished possessions besides this car are my tie-dyed
T-shirt, roach clip, and a tarnished 8x10 glossy of Jerry Garcia

Volvo 240 Sedan    I voted for Gore, and am a member of the Sierra Club

Volvo 740 Wagon   I am frightened of my wife

Volvo 740 Turbo Wagon   I am only somewhat frightened of my wife

Volkswagen Type II Camper Bus hand painted to disguise the dents & rust  At least I’m not driving a Toyota