- A
date with Mrs. Palmer and her 5 slut daughters
- Auditioning
the hand puppet
- Badgering
the witness
- Beating
the fuck out of your best friend
- Beating
the shit out of your incapacitated midget
- Beating
the snot outta Rotney
- Beating
the snotty end of my fuck stick
- Blueball
baseball
- Calling
down for more Mayo
- Calling
in the National Guard to assist you in a strategic crisis
- Caping
the crusader
- Cheating
on your other hand
- Checking
the plumbing
- Choking
the bald guy 'til he pukes
- Choking
the sheriff and waiting for the posse to come
- Cleaning
the walls after an accident involving the Milk Man and the
Cyclops
- Committing
mass spermicide
- Decongesting
the weasel
- Discharging
the heat-seeking moisture missile
- Dripping
white-hot coconuts from the veiny palm tree of lust
- Dropping
the kids off at the pool
- Escorting
the one-eyed postal worker out of his denim cell
- Evicting
the testicular squatters
- Firing
the presidential staff
- Fishing
for zipper trout
- Five-finger
discount
- Flogging
your dumber brother
- Foreplay
with Fistina
- Four-knuckle
shuffle (for those who lost a finger in 'Nam)
- Freeing
the hostages
- Freeing
Willy
- Getting
your palm red
- Givin'
the one-eyed field mouse with the purple turtle-neck sweater a
hot-butter nuggie
- Giving
the pink Mustang a spit shine
- Giving
the seamen shore leave
- Giving
yourself a helping hand
- Giving
yourself a low five
- Having
a play date with your little friend
- Having
a puppet show in your pants
- Having
a staff meeting
- Hitchhiking
under the Big Top
- Launching
the morning missile
- Letting
out the bulimic one-eyed monster
- Making
special sauce with frank and beans
- Making
the bald guy cry
- Making
the Cyclops do chin-ups 'til he throws up
- Making
the llama spit
- Manhandling
your man-handle
- Milking
the bull
- Million
sperm march
- My
sex life! (Okay, that one's more sad than funny)
- One-handed
workout
- Opening
up a bottle of Squirt
- Performing
diagnostics on your ManTool
- Playing
pocket polo with Agent Johnson
- Playing
the stand-up organ
- Playing
with Yoosef
- Polishing
the family jewels
- Polishing
the hot rod
- Polishing
the purple people pleaser
- Practicing
for the Big Game
- Pulling
the single serving soup dispenser
- Rapid
one arm pull-ups
- Releasing
the Olympic Doves
- Riding
the Great White Knuckler
- Romancing
the bone
- Roughing
the passer
- Roughing
up the suspect
- Rubbing
the Buddha for good luck
- Running
in single-user mode
- Running
off a batch by hand
- Sanding
the obelisk
- Sending
yourself a hand-job-o-gram
- Shaking
hands with your wife's best friend
- Shaking
the coconut milk of love from the leafless palm trunk
- Shaking
the hand of the self-employed
- Shooting
tadpoles at the moon
- Shooting
the pump action porridge gun
- Slapping
the big-nosed Rasta man
- Spackling
the ceiling
- Spending
some quality time with yourself
- Spilling
my children on my belly
- Spit-polishing
the purple helmet
- Squeezing
the cream from the flesh Twinkie
- Stroking
the one-eyed burping gecko
- Swinging
the purple-veined kidney stabber
- Taking
little Elvis to Graceland
- Taking
the Jocelyn Elders Midterm
- Taking
your turn at the self-serve pump
- Target
practice with the yogurt gun
- Teasing
the purple-headed custard chucker
- Tenderizing
the tube steak
- Test-firing
the meat missile
- Testing
the hand cream dispenser
- Trolling
for the one-eyed walleye
- Tube
sock tango
- Warming
up the altar boy's dinner
- White-water
wristing
- Wrapping
my hand around my cock and blowing a load all over my mother
- Zygote
spraying
|
- Applying
nail polish remover
- Auditioning
the finger puppets
- Brushing
your afro
- Buttering
your bagel
- Checking
for squirrels
- Checking
the foxhole
- Checking
the oil
- Checking
the status of the I/O port
- Cleaning
my fur coat
- Coaxing
the genie out of the magic lamp
- Defrosting
the freezer
- Dialing
the rotary phone
- Diggin'
the stench trench
- Digging
for my keys
- Doing
my nails
- Doing
something for my chapped lips
- Doing
the two-finger slot rumba
- Double-clicking
your mouse
- Draining
the tuna
- Drilling
for oil
- Dusting
the endtable
- Feeding
the bearded clam
- Filling
the pink taco
- Filling
your niche
- Finding
yourself
- Fingering
something out
- Finishing
the job
- Fishing
for cumpliments
- Fishing
for mackerel
- Flipping
the light switch repeatedly
- Flossing
the cat
- Fluffing
the kitty
- Gagging
my meat hole
- Gagging
the clam
- Getting
a lube job
- Getting
a stain out of my carpet
- Getting
a stinky pinky
- Getting
the last pickle out of the jar
- Getting
to know Sticky Fingers the mobster
- Going
deep sea diving
- Going
to and from the Batcave
- Hand
tossing the tuna salad
- Having
ladyfingers and cream
- Hitchhiking
South
- Indoor
fishing
- Jilling
off
- JocelynEldering
- Makin'
waves for the man-in-the-boat
- Making
your own gravy
- Menage
a moi
- Mistressbate
- Muffin
buffin'
- Nail
polish remover
- Nursing
a hatchet wound
- Opening
the bottom drawer
- Paddling
the pink canoe
- Parting
the Red Sea
- Petting
the kitty
- Playing
the clitar
- Playing
the slots
- Polishing
the wedding ring
- Preheating
the oven
- Priming
the pump
- Reading
braille
- Reading
the map of Tasmania
- Riding
the unicycle
- Riding
your own mule down Grand Canyon
- Romancing
thy own
- Rubbin
Hood
- Rubbin'
the nubbin
- Scraping
the cheese off the taco
- Searching
for Ms. "G"
- Shebopping
- Shucking
the fresh water clam
- Slapping
Susie
- Slapping
the mackerel
- Sliding
into home
- Soaking
in Palmolive
- Spanking
your puppy on the nose
- Spearing
the bearded clam
- Spelunking
in the mystery cave
- Stirring
the soup
- Strumming
the big open C
- Surfing
the web
- Swimming
in the Pu-Tang River
- Taking
a dip in the lake
- Teasing
the little man in the canoe
- Testing
the waters
- The
magical disappearing finger trick
- The
ole feel n' squeal
- Tickling
the kitty
- Tiptoe
through the TwoLips
- Tossing
the pink salad
- Twinkling
the little star
- Two-finger
taco tango
- Unclogging
the drain
- Visiting
Niagra Falls
- Visiting
your safety deposit box
- Wading
in the Bermuda Triangle
- Washing
your fingers
- Whipping
your cream
- Working
out at the Y
|
...Email
me here, I would
love to hear
from you.